Tag Archives: Dr. Dre

“Forgot Namaste”- A Yoga-Themed Parody of “Forgot About Dre”

Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 10.38.10 PM

(Mad props to my friend Sandy Kalik, the Snoop to my Dre, who was my co-writer on this)

Y’all know me
Still the same yogi
But I been O.D.-in’
Bestin’ most of these other yogis
Who can’t do no crows, no planks, no bows
No wheels, no trees, no boats
No handstands and no sun B’s

Mad at me cause I can finally afford to provide my booty with some Lulu luxury.
Got a spot in the front and I’m already in plank
10 minutes in, my form will tank
Chaturanga with my shoulders sank and my low back tweaked

Y’all think I’m gonna let my flow go meek?
Ho, please! You better do plow on both knees, who you think taught you to do tree?
Who you think brought you the O.G’s, the up D’s, Warriors
Half-lotus trees and downward D-O-double-G’s
And a flow that said “motherfuck the sun C’s”

Give me a class full of core, please
To bump when I wanna hit the beach
And when my flexibility ain’t givin’ me reach
Who’s that teacher that makes me drop my knees?

Y’all better listen up closely
All you yogis that said I turned lame
It’s a damn shame
Y’all are the reason “namaste” ain’t gettin’ enough play
So fuck y’all, all y’all
If y’all don’t like me, outflow me
Y’all gonna keep fuckin’ around with me, turn me back to a basic yogi

Nowadays all these yogis wanna flow
Like they got somethin’ to prove
But nothin’ comes up they open their hips
Just a bunch of tightness
And muthafuckas act like they forgot “Namaste”

So now what do you say to a teacher you hate
Tryin’ to bring gentle poses your way
Wanna resolve things in a more intense way
Just study your Power Yoga DVD
One day I was practicin’, gettin’ my handstand on
When I caught a bitch givin’ me a jealous eye
And I laughed at her lame attempt to try
She went three inches high
I don’t give a fuck if I strain my wrist
I’m harder than me tryna scorpion
When I’m hot as fuck
Right next to a humongous dude in a downward dog
Stressin’ out with his tight hamstrings
Tryin’ to loosen up
Fuck you man, go to the back row
I’mma kill you and your loud-ass muthafuckin’ grunts and moans
Just take a child’s pose
And get your ass to a level one class
With a big stack of blocks and a pile of blankets
You can go easy
While the rest of us take Vinyasa 3
Which is just for the superstar yogis
Who are still loco enough to chinstand after every plank pose

My guru, hotter then a pair of new Lulus
In a slim size 4 with the cute hiney
When the temp goes up to the mid-90’s
60 percent humid, teach, yo that shit crazy
There’s no way you can breathe ujaiyi,
It’s okay, leave the room, go pee.

Nowadays all these yogis wanna flow
Like they got somethin’ to prove
But nothin’ comes up they open their hips
Just a bunch of tightness
And muthafuckas act like they forgot “Namaste”

If it was up to me, you motherfuckers would stop drippin’ sweat on me
With your hands out and your core weak in warrior 3
When your lower back gave out, you went and blamed the teach
But now that I got this real strong belly
Everybody wanna watch my pose so they can copy
But you won’t do a plank like me
Cause I’m from the school of Crossfit
I told y’all, all y’all lame ass yogis
How you think I got so swole
Now you wanna warrior 2 showin’ off your guns, but you ain’t got none
What you think I been practicin’ to stay so buff?
And all I get is haters who say Crossfit’s too tough
What? Cause I been in the gym with a torn hamstring
Cause I just can’t get enough?
I ain’t stoppin’ this til I pull my groin or strain my wrist
Gettin’ injured makes me so fuckin’ pissed
So give me one more set of reps, and fuck rest
I wanna be the best
So where the Crossfit yogis at?
It’s like a sauna in this habitat
But all y’all on your mats
Know that I can do drop backs
Unlike all you other phony-ass hacks

Nowadays all these yogis wanna flow
Like they got somethin’ to prove
But nothin’ comes up they open their hips
Just a bunch of tightness
And muthafuckas act like they forgot “Namaste”

The Whole Foods Episode (A Parody Song)

30542ee432fe00422c88acb5ba6aef50

The Whole Foods Episode
(to the tune of “The Next Episode” from Dr. Dre’s The Chronic 2001)

La da da da dah
Is this muthafuckin’ gluten free?
La da da da dah
You know I’m loadin’ up on K.A.L.E.
You know who’s back up in this muthafucka!?
What what what what?
So buy those greens up!
Whole Foods, spend it all, vegan buy that shit up
Chia seed, flax seed, my vegan turn that shit up
Non-GMO, cage-free, yeah we cookin’ back up
And when we put ‘em in our carts, our wallets gonna give up
Thug foodies, locavores, yeah they givin’ it up
Highlife, high price, boy we livin’ it up
Takin’ chances while we shoppin’ in this aisle fo’ sho’
Seein’ dairy everywhere and to that I say ‘NO’

Cashier lookin’ at me strange but you know I don’t care
As I’m loading this conveyor belt with 6 dozen pears
Bitch quit talkin’, ring me up, yo, I brought my own bags
Take my Platinum Visa card, and no I don’t mean to brag
I’m in a rush! Hurry, ho! Sorry if I sound crass
And if my fruit gets crushed, Bitch! Watch yo’ ass!
$205.55, that’s the money I spent
And all y’all who buy cheap junk food can go get bent

La da da da dah
It’s this muthafuckin’ gluten free?
La da da da dah
You know I’m shoppin’ for that K.A.L.E.
You bet yo’ ass that shit be pesticide-free
King of the greens you put em in your smoothie
Or in your stir fry, rollin’ on woks
Organic oil, cause you best walk your talk
Shiitake mushrooms and a bed of quinoa
With juice on the side, sippin’ wheat grass
See, vegan life really ain’t that hard
Compost, big heap, in the yard

Whole Foods out to the fruit aisle
It’s all organic love, my all organic buds, we a gang of vegan thugs
We on one, we bail up in our cruelty-free club
Our hemp jeans on, and our team strong
Get our green drink on, and our fake meat on
Then go home with, somethin’ to choke on
Yo it’s on for the next Whole Foods show
Comin’ real, we got money to blow

Hold up, hey
For my vegans who be thinkin’ bout cheese
We don’t, play
We keep livin’ dairy free with ease
Hold up, hey
For my vegans who be actin’ too proud
Take a stand
So get ready, bitch, you best say it loud
Hey…..
Eat kale every day