Tag Archives: parody songs

The Whole Foods Episode (A Parody Song)

30542ee432fe00422c88acb5ba6aef50

The Whole Foods Episode
(to the tune of “The Next Episode” from Dr. Dre’s The Chronic 2001)

La da da da dah
Is this muthafuckin’ gluten free?
La da da da dah
You know I’m loadin’ up on K.A.L.E.
You know who’s back up in this muthafucka!?
What what what what?
So buy those greens up!
Whole Foods, spend it all, vegan buy that shit up
Chia seed, flax seed, my vegan turn that shit up
Non-GMO, cage-free, yeah we cookin’ back up
And when we put ‘em in our carts, our wallets gonna give up
Thug foodies, locavores, yeah they givin’ it up
Highlife, high price, boy we livin’ it up
Takin’ chances while we shoppin’ in this aisle fo’ sho’
Seein’ dairy everywhere and to that I say ‘NO’

Cashier lookin’ at me strange but you know I don’t care
As I’m loading this conveyor belt with 6 dozen pears
Bitch quit talkin’, ring me up, yo, I brought my own bags
Take my Platinum Visa card, and no I don’t mean to brag
I’m in a rush! Hurry, ho! Sorry if I sound crass
And if my fruit gets crushed, Bitch! Watch yo’ ass!
$205.55, that’s the money I spent
And all y’all who buy cheap junk food can go get bent

La da da da dah
It’s this muthafuckin’ gluten free?
La da da da dah
You know I’m shoppin’ for that K.A.L.E.
You bet yo’ ass that shit be pesticide-free
King of the greens you put em in your smoothie
Or in your stir fry, rollin’ on woks
Organic oil, cause you best walk your talk
Shiitake mushrooms and a bed of quinoa
With juice on the side, sippin’ wheat grass
See, vegan life really ain’t that hard
Compost, big heap, in the yard

Whole Foods out to the fruit aisle
It’s all organic love, my all organic buds, we a gang of vegan thugs
We on one, we bail up in our cruelty-free club
Our hemp jeans on, and our team strong
Get our green drink on, and our fake meat on
Then go home with, somethin’ to choke on
Yo it’s on for the next Whole Foods show
Comin’ real, we got money to blow

Hold up, hey
For my vegans who be thinkin’ bout cheese
We don’t, play
We keep livin’ dairy free with ease
Hold up, hey
For my vegans who be actin’ too proud
Take a stand
So get ready, bitch, you best say it loud
Hey…..
Eat kale every day